You know those moments where you finally realize how serious a situation is? Or when you feel like someone is trying to talk to you, but can’t… yet what they say seems to still mean something, even when it doesn’t? Today I spent a few hours at the hospital where my Grandma is right now… she’s been there since Thursday, and isn’t doing very well.
All of my grandparents have been in and out of the hospital many times in the last couple years, so when I heard Grandma was going back in this week, I was concerned, but didn’t fully grasp what was happening or why she was going in. Today I did. I knew Grandma had had a fever and was confused. Until today I didn’t know what “confused” meant.
I fed her lunch today (late lunch) and talked to her some while I was doing it. She seemed to lose her thought before she got the first half of it out, every time she tried to talk. She said things like “A yes, and a no,” “Start at the middle and end—” (dropped thought), “paper,” “slow,” and stringing together, “Start at the middle and end—with a yes, and a no.” over and over. The same words or phrases, seemingly meaningless and random. I still don’t know what they meant, but I knew she was trying to tell us something, only she could never get it out.
When the Doctor made her round to our room, Grandpa was explaining that this morning any yesterday Grandma was struggling to ask the question, “How much time do I have left?” and only got it out fragments at a time. Grandpa thought that she was thinking about this so long was because last year, when they couldn’t help her anymore, someone stood at the foot of her bed and told her, “There’s nothing more we can do for you. I’m sorry. You have 24 hours.” So now, as Grandma tried to ask how much time she had left, or “15 minutes?” “20 minutes?” etc. she was asking how long she had to live. It’s a horrible thing to have on your mind for hours and hours as she has… but I’m glad she had other things on her mind when we were there, even if she was unable to communicate them to us.
At this point, the Doctors don’t fully know what is wrong. She is suspected to have a body wide infection causing some of these strange symptoms, so they are treating her for that. Mom was worried that she had a serious brain problem that was causing the mental confusion. Thankfully, the CAT scan they took when she was admitted came back negative. The Doctor said she will run more tests to make sure nothing has been overlooked, and hopefully she will find something that explains the problems, and can be helped.
It was hard, seeing my Grandma in this state. She didn’t recognize any of us. When she was asked “Who is this?” to each of us, she couldn’t answer. Sometimes she laughed (seems to be her out when she does not know what to say; she laughed a lot. I hope that means she’s happy inside, vs. troubled."), or when Uncle Jim stepped up as the question was asked, she said “Paper” again. But when Mom was telling her she was going to take me home (right before we left) when Mom said “Hannah” she looked right at me. I don’t know if that was because she made the mental connection, or that she felt my eyes on her, but ether way I’m glad she looked at me. I just pray she makes it out of there O.K. soon. Please keep her in your prayers.
I will certainly be praying for you, your family, and your grandma!
Listen, if there is anything that i or my family can do just let us know. I’m not busy anymore so let your parents know that if they and maybe you and Matthew want to go to the Hospital i’ll gladly come stay with the A-team. Also if for any reason your mom is not going tomorrow please call me and i’ll come get you and take you to the training. but yea, anything at all, please dont hesitate to let me know.